The Girl Who Hates Her Name

Dear Dr.Patti;

I am now 26 and just now coming to realize why i hate my name. i am going to write this in third person as it is the only way i can get this out. i will call myself Ashley.

At 10, Ashley was molested and almost raped. she fought back and slapped the then 34 yr. old man she trusted. you see she had went to visit the puppies a few houses down from her Aunt's house. she knew the owner of the puppies, lets call him Kelley, he had worked with her father for a while. she also knew his roommate, lets call him G. She had spent lots of time there previously and got along well with G.

This particular summer day Kelley was outside talking and drinking with neighbors, Ashley was inside alone with G playing with the puppies. They talked and when she got up to go back to her Aunt's. G telling her how beautiful she was and that he wanted to marry her and have babies, made her uncomfortable. As she got up to leave he pulled her down into his lap. He tried to kiss her with his tongue, she struggled and told him not to touch her as she slapped him and tried to get up. G continued to hold her down and rubbed her budding breasts with his hands outside of her clothing, she tried to fight back. He also tried to rub between her legs, trying to fight his way into her clothing. She wore a pink and purple lion king shirt. she knew this was wrong and managed to scream at him to please stop. in that moment she felt so helpless.

Luckily, Kelley had heard and stumbled inside and demanded that G let Ashley off of his lap. As G's hand was inside the waist of her pants with her shirt pulled up. Kelley got closer and Ashley jumped up while G was caught off guard. She ran as fast as she could almost tripping down the porch stairs. G yelled after her that if she told anyone he would kill the puppies.

With tears streaming down her face she ran to her father, telling him what happened. he told her to talk slow as he couldn't understand. she tried to breathe and slowly tell her father what G did, and that he threatened the puppies. Her father asked if she was sure. He threatened to kill G and told him to leave town and never come back.

Ashley was terrified to sleep and G knew where she lived. 2 days later at her mother's house, she told her what happened. Laurie, her mother, called the police and they filed a report. She had to undergo a physical and other tests as well as recounting her story on camera for the cops. G was never arrested as they could not locate him.

She was always scared that he would find her or that he would hurt another little girl. later her abusive ex-boyfriend of 3 years would use her past to manipulate her and rape her repeatedly through coersion and manipulation.

At 26, i, Ashley, recently found out that G is in a nursing home at 50 for severe brain damage from a beating, i now wonder if he tried to hurt another little girl resulting in this. i feel relieved that he can no longer hurt anyone. i am now married to a wonderful man with children of my own. While, i still hate my name, i am working through my past and though my PTSD from my experiences will always remain, i am coping and there is always hope. and i hope that telling my story can help others.

...........sincerely, the girl who hates her name.

Dr. Patti responds:

Dear The girl who hates her name;

         Well if you hate your name it is time to change it! I have worked with so many girls who had the last name of their father, their abuser, and they legally changed their names :) You can too! Pick a name that you love and make it yours!! Well even though you hate your name you have such a successful outcome. You have married a good man and you have your own children. Did you know that most women who are survivors of sex abuse make the most protective mothers!! I am sure that your story will help others because you have found your happiness and that shows that when you tell and when you get out of abusive relationships you can move on - move past the abuse. Thank you so much for reaching out to the Girlthrive community! xo, Dr. Patti.

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