Candi's Story: My Brothers, My Rapists.



Dear Dr.Patti

I have just recently started reading your book. It is helping me so much. I am a survivor of sexual abuse by two of my brothers. When I was ten, my brothers started to rape me. This went on until I was 13. I would get them into trouble and they told me that the only way to get back at me and that things would be fine, is if they did this to me. One of my brothers is my only biological brother, the other who did it to me is one of my step brothers. I have five brothers all together. Four are older, and one is younger. The abuse happened every other weekend at my biological fathers and step mothers house. They were always too drunk to realize that there were two teenage boys down in the basement with a little girl. During and after the abuse, I stuffed what happened so far down inside of me that I forgot. Although after the abuse stopped, I suffered from depression but couldnt figure out what the trigger was. I have been on anti depressants since I was 17. It took me to be with my boyfriend at the time, now my fiance, to realize what happened to me. I have been working on healing for a few years, but now, it is the hardest. I am in a support group and counseling for the abuse I suffered at the hands of my brothers. I did not tell anyone what was going on until I was 22. I am now 24. Also, when I was 19, I was molested by someone who I thought was my best friend. I fell asleep at his house and I woke up with his hands down my pants. I do have a question though. A few months before I was molested, I think I was raped again. I was a virgin at the time and I met this guy online. He was in his 20's and we met at his house and watched a movie. After the movie, he started kissing me and then pulled my pants off. I did not fight him as he entered me and I did not say no. I just laid there thinking this is what I was supposed to do because of what my brothers did to me...I was numb and couldnt believe it was happening again. I did not want sex but because of my past, I thought I had to do whatever the guy wanted. He did not care that I was just laying there motionless waiting for him to stop. Was I raped again?

...........Candi.



Dr. Patti responds:

Dear Candi;

         I think it is so common for girls to have this happen and also so common for girls to then write to me and ask me if they were raped. OF COURSE YOU WERE RAPED. I often hear about girls who are incest survivors and then they trust their "best friend" or a guy they are good friends with, a guy they have known for years - they drink together, the girl falls asleep and wakes up with her "best friend" on top of her.... or her good friend has his fingers in her pants. It is one of the most distressing aspects of sex abuse, when a girl decides she can trust a guy friend and then he rapes her. I have also heard stories of when a girl goes to the RA in her dorm and tells of a rape and then the RA rapes her. Ok, after all this I have to tell you that there are males out there that you can trust. There are males out there that would be totally against any of this behavior. If you are engaged to the boyfriend you have been with for some years now, it sounds as if you found a good guy.

         Now about your brothers, and your bio father and step mother.... One question is where was your mother? Why did you not tell her? If you trusted that your mother was strong enough to help you, I am hoping that you would have told her. But I can guess that somehow you felt you had to take care of your mother, or you believed your mother would not help you and/or believe you.... I am so sorry that this happened to you when you were at your bio-father's house. I am also so sorry that you felt that you could not tell your mother and that she was not able to protect you from the drunk "parents" and the rapists at their home. I hope you do not see any of them ever. They do not deserve to even know you. Please continue your healing, keep reading "Invisible Girls" and please join our Girlthrive community and our blog. You will find so much support and understanding here on this site. I am really pleased to know you are in therapy and you are engaged and that you unblocked your memories so that you can go forward with your life. Keep up the good work, because all sex abuse survivors can live amazing, fulfilled lives!

................................xoxo, Dr. Patti.




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