Hi Dr. Patti;
My name is Monique and I am 13 I have read all of the stories by other girl's and have been very interested by them . I think I should tell you my story it all happened about one year ago on Christmas eve there was this huge party. I met this totally cute guy and he seemed really nice. But my interpretation of him was all wrong. All that night we just hung out and talked and he told me he really liked me and kissed me which I was fine with. But then I was walking by his house about two weeks later and he saw me (him and his brother were outside playing basketball) and he ran up to me and said hey wanna come inside ? To me and my friend. So we went inside and my friend really liked his brother so they went into the other room and left us alone so we started kissing then he asked me if I wanted to, ya know, do it. I said NO and he acted all cool about it and we kept on kissing then my friend came back and he grabbed my wrist and pulled me into his bedroom. He pushed me onto the bed got on top of me and tried to wrip off my shirt and I started screaming for my friend. I heard her beating against the door trying to get in but he had locked it.
I kept screaming NO but he just kept kissing my chest and telling me to be quiet I saw him undo his pants and undo mine he was trying to take them off but he couldn't because I was wiggling so he tried to wrip them. Then we heard the door knob turning and as fast as he could he jumped off of me and pulled up his pants it was his mom and she asked what was going on he casually said oh nothing just hangin with my girlfriend. Then I said I was just leaving and walked out with my friend who had left to get help and couldn't find any so she came back for me I'm just glad I never had to see him again (he moved back to France) by the way he was 14 when this happened .
I asked my friend not to tell anyone ever and to never mention it to me again and we haven't spoke of it since.
Dr. Patti responds:
You are such a brave young girl, thanks so much for sharing your story! I am sure your words will help other girls who have been date raped. You do understand don't you, that even though this boy was only fourteen years old he was attempting rape? Maybe in his mind he thought he was just horseing around. Maybe he thought it was all a big joke and no harm was done, but it sure did not feel that way to you and you are absolutely right to feel hurt. At such a tender age you were just beginning to learn about kissing and touching and exploring feelings of affection. But it is normal for a thirteen year old girl not to want sex and no girl wants to be raped regardless of her age!
Both you and your friend were probably excited about being alone with the two boys. Unfortunately, I hear a lot of teenage date rape stories that occur when parents are absent. It is really important that next time you go to a guy's house you make certain his parents are around. Thank goodness his mother came home when she did because I am afraid the rape could have gotten worse! It was very smart for you to scream and fight him. Even so, if his mother hadn't arrived at that moment who knows what could have happened!
These days it is smart for girls to carry cell phones if possible. Your friend was very loyal and brave to run for help and then return to you when she could not find it, but if she carried a cell phone she could have called the police.
It is a good idea to talk about this unhappy experience with your friend. You were trapped and alone, upset and terrified and sometimes we try to bury these emotions. I have found that when you hide these feelings they become bigger than life. Talking about sex abuse gets it out in the open, and gives you time and space to heal.
................................warmly, Dr. Patti.